A New Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy
Seeing those two little lines likely brought one of two emotions, maybe even both.
Excitement. You’ve been trying to conceive for a long time, and FINALLY that second line appeared.
Fear. When that second line came through, every bit of your heart dropped to the floor.
Or maybe a little bit of both. Fear and excitement.
Bringing a baby into this world and being responsible for a tiny human is a big undertaking. It’s a huge responsibility, but it can also be one of the greatest joys.
Becoming a dad will likely feel overwhelming at times. There are so many decisions to make, your partner is changing not only physically, but also emotionally and psychologically as she prepares to become a mom, and the weight of knowing you’re now caring for 2 people can be heavy at times.
BUT, becoming a dad is one of the coolest things you’ll ever get to experience in life.
I promise, when you see those two little eyes look up at you, your heart will melt, and it will ALL BE WORTH IT.
So buckle up and let’s dive into this new dad’s guide to pregnancy.
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First Trimester
For many pregnant women, the first trimester is the hardest.
So many things are happening in their body physically, emotionally, and psychologically; it can be exhausting. Your support during the first trimester of pregnancy is crucial for your partner to feel loved and supported.
Morning Sickness
One of the hardest things women experience during pregnancy is morning sickness. But here’s the kicker- it isn’t always in the morning, and sometimes it can be an all-day thing.
I was one of the women who had “morning” sickness from the time I woke up until I went to bed, and it was miserable. I could only eat things that sounded good to me, regardless of how hungry I was. My poor husband would be running all over town at all times of day to make sure I was eating.
Some women experience something called hyperemesis gravidarum. This is a condition that causes persistent nausea and vomiting, which leads to dehydration. Many women who have this condition will end up in the ER and sometimes even be admitted to the hospital to help rehydrate and get the condition under control. Her health care provider will be able to help manage this.
First Doctor’s Appointment
Make sure to do everything you can to go to her first doctor’s appointment. You will likely get to hear your baby’s heartbeat.
Let that sink in. YOUR BABY’S HEARTBEAT.
There is a lot of information shared at the first prenatal appointment, and hearing everything for yourself is helpful. It’s the easiest way to make sure you understand everything and have a chance to ask questions. I encourage you to ask questions and be present.
Put your phone away and be present in the appointment. It will be good for you, but it will also mean a lot to your partner that you’re making her and your new baby a priority.
First Ultrasound
As if hearing your baby’s heartbeat wasn’t enough, wait until you get to see your baby wiggling around on the ultrasound screen!
Getting that first glimpse of your mini-me is something to behold. It’s the first tangible piece of their existence. Everyone will want to see the first “pictures” of your new baby.
The ultrasound tech with take a variety of measurements, so just know that’s totally normal. They’ll also turn on the baby’s heartbeat during the ultrasound, making it all the more real.
Exhaustion and Emotions
Right along with exhaustion and fatigue, she may be experiencing lower back pain and tender/swollen breasts. Her hormones are all over the place, so just be aware that she may start crying because there’s no ice cream in the freezer, or the toilet paper ran out, and there’s no more in the closet.
Don’t worry, it seems completely illogical to her also, but her emotions are all tied up in growing your baby, so be kind.
Read a Pregnancy Book
I highly suggest reading some books about pregnancy. I’m only going to share the 3 I would personally recommend because I know it can be overwhelming, and sometimes it’s easier to just have someone tell you what to pick.
These books for new dads will give you insight into pregnancy. They will give you perspective from your partner’s view, let you into the world of pregnancy symptoms and side effects, and offer you advice to support your partner on the hard days.
You’re Going To Be A Dad
Let’s start with “You’re Going To Be A Dad!”. This book offers week-by-week information regarding your partner’s pregnancy, real-life stories and advice from other dads who have been through pregnancy with their partners, how to support your partner through every trimester, and how to experience pregnancy together as a team.
If you’d rather listen, you can grab the audiobook on Audible here.
The Expectant Father
Similarly, “The Expectant Father” will break down every month of pregnancy into things you can understand. It shares with you about your first doctor’s appointment, when it’s a good idea to share your big news, and important details like money and budgeting for a baby.
The Expectant Father will also give you guidance on tougher conversations like homebirth versus hospital birth and medicated versus unmedicated birth. Though these things may seem trivial now in the early stages of pregnancy, you may indeed need the full 9 months of discussion to come to a decision together.
I also appreciate that this book breaks down labor and delivery, and also the first few months with your new baby. It is a great place to start when you’re feeling clueless about pregnancy. You can grab the audiobook on Audible here.
We’re Pregnant!
The last book I would encourage you to read is “We’re Pregnant!: The First-Time Dad’s Pregnancy Handbook”. This is a top-selling book about pregnancy for new dads. And honestly, the cover says it all.
Becoming a dad can be exciting and very scary at the same time. Finding a book that answers all your questions will help you take a big sigh of relief. But let’s dive into the book.
Each of these books offers great advice, but this one, to me, is very relatable. I appreciate even the chapter titles because they give you the sweetest picture of what is happening as your baby is growing each week. It’s almost like you can see your baby doing each of these things.
This book also addresses the “fourth trimester”, which I feel like many people pass right on by. Just because the baby is here doesn’t mean your partner is back to normal. Your life has completely changed, and this book does a great job walking you through all of that. You can grab the audiobook on Audible here.
Insurance and Financial Planning
Now is the time to figure out what your health insurance will cover for labor and delivery. You can call and ask questions, and they should be able to give you an estimate of cost.
It’s also the time to begin planning for the expenses related to bringing a baby home. Diaper, wipes, formula, etc. They come with added expense. Also, start talking about childcare options. Will you need daycare, or are you adapting your budget so your partner can be at home with the baby?
You can absolutely have a baby on a budget with some smart planning and financial choices.
Second Trimester
Welcome to the second trimester! For many, this trimester is a peaceful end to what can be one of the hardest parts of pregnancy. For many women, the nausea begins to subside, their hair starts to thicken, their skin clears up, and she has that “pregnancy glow”.
Finding Out the Gender
You’ve waited several months for this moment, and FINALLY, you can find out if your first child will be a boy or a girl. But, just know you can totally skip out on the gender reveal and wait until delivery to find out the gender.
I will share with you that I am a Type A planner. But, there was something incredibly sweet about keeping the gender a surprise until delivery. With each of my pregnancies, we waited until birth to find out, and it made it the experience that much more exciting.
The moment where you’ve spent hours laboring, you’re exhausted, you’ve finally pushed the baby out, and then someone says, “It’s a ____!” Truly nothing like it. Tears of joy every time.
Creating a Baby Registry
So… ready to figure out everything you need to care for your baby?
Walking into the store to create your registry is fun until you start to see the price tag of things. Just know, you don’t need to register (or buy) everything on the baby registry checklist. You can even use my minimalist baby registry checklist to start registering for the bare minimum essentials.
And, you’ll likely feel like Chuck Norris going around pointing the scanner at each thing and scanning- at least my husband did. It was fun. Let it be a fun experience, not a daunting one. Start with the basics and work your way up from there. Crib, mattress, blankets, diaper, wipes- just start with the basics.
Preparing Your Home
As you near the end of the second trimester, now is a great time to work through your home projects list.
Trust me, her patience will grow really thin if you’re working on projects the week she is due because you waited too long.
Start working on the nursery if you’re going to have one.
Work with HR for Paternity Leave
If you haven’t already been in touch with HR, now is the time to take care of that. Learn what your company’s policy is for paternity leave. Some companies have amazing paternity leave, while others make you use your sick leave or vacation time. Regardless, knowledge is power, and it’s good to know what you’ll have to do to have some time off when your new baby comes.
Choose Your Support People
Now is the time to start discussing who your support people will be. These are the people who will be at the delivery with you.
Start talking about which family members, if any, you want to be at the birth. Have you thought about having a doula or birth coach at the birth to help support both of you? Do you want a birth photographer to capture the delivery for you so you can be completely present?
These are important conversations you can start having now.
Physical Changes
This is the time when your partner physically starts changing. Stretch marks may begin to appear because her belly is growing. Dark skin patches can appear, swelling may happen off and on, and she may even have numbness in her hands.
This varies by woman, but some women have a hard time with the physical changes that happen during pregnancy. If they’re very concerned about appearance, their changing body can be hard to accept. They may not feel pretty, they may say they feel fat because they’ve gained weight, etc.
This can be a hard season. But it’s just that- a season. Eventually, she can lose the weight, but for right now, under the care of a health professional, someone is monitoring her weight and making sure she is in a good range. The baby needs extra fat to grow. Doctors expect women to gain weight while pregnant, but that doesn’t make it any easier for some women to accept.
The best thing you can do during this time of change is to remind her you love her no matter what. Tell her she is beautiful and you appreciate what she is doing for you to share a child together. She needs to be reminded that you love her no matter what her body looks like.
Third Trimester
You’ve officially made it to the third trimester, and it’s starting to get real. Like really real. Like you’re about to become a dad to a tiny human and you’re still trying to figure everything out kind of real.
If you’ve been reading your new dad books, then you know what’s coming up for the next 13-ish weeks. Everything in your life is about to change, but you’re here for it!
Baby Shower Bliss
You created your baby registry and now you have family and friends who want to shower you can your partner with amazing gifts to help you care for your baby.
Take it all in. These are the people who will support you on the hard days, bring meals to help you survive the first few weeks at home, and love you at your worst.
When you get home with a car full of baby stuff, sort through it. It will help you not feel as overwhelmed. Start washing all the cloth things like clothes, blankets, sheets, etc.
Talk to Other Dads
If you have friends or siblings who are parents, talk to them. Ask your questions. Find people you trust and ask them the hard questions about becoming a dad. Things like, what was the delivery room really like, what was it like supporting their partner the first few days at home, were you scared to hold your baby? Because chances are, they can empathize with you.
Take a Babymoon
A baby-what?
Yes, babymoon.
It’s a fun trip to take before you bring a baby into your family. It’s meant to be a special trip for you and your partner to have one last rendezvous before you have the responsibility of caring for someone else. I can tell you, even if you take a trip after having the baby, you’ll always feel the pull and responsibility of your baby. This is the last time to take a trip, no strings attached.
Preparing for Birth
The time is drawing near when you’ll get to meet your new baby, but first, there are a few things you need to take care of. Those last few weeks before your partner gives birth are your last chance to do things without chaos.
I know everyone’s experience is different, but just know this time is sacred. Go on dates, talk about important things, and enjoy each other’s company before your life changes forever.
I know that sounds dramatic, but I can tell you as a mom of many years that nothing has been the same since we brought our first baby home. No date has been the same, no trip has been the same, nothing has been the same. Taking on the responsibility of being a parent is one of my greatest joys in life, but it has also changed our lives completely.
Take a Childbirth Class
It seems simple, right? The baby just comes out, and BAM, there they are.
There is so much more to childbirth than the baby just “being there”. From timing contractions to dilation and effacement, there are a lot of things happening in your partner’s body.
Not to mention something could happen, and your baby could be born by C-section. I know firsthand that just because you plan for a vaginal birth doesn’t mean that’s how it’s going to happen. Taking a birth class will help you feel more prepared for the unexpected.
Taking a birth class will help expand your vocabulary, too, so that you can understand the lingo being spoken in the delivery room. You’ll know what a Foley catheter is, what oxytocin does, and what the stages of birth are.
The hospital where I delivered offered labor and delivery classes, but you can take them online, too. If your partner is planning to breastfeed, there are classes for that. There are also new baby classes you can take that will help you with diaper changing, feeding your baby, and many other newborn basics.
Packing for the Hospital
By about 35 weeks, you should consider packing your hospital bag. This is so important that I created a hospital bag checklist to help you make sure you’ve got everything you need for your few days away. I have covered everything for your new baby, your partner, and you.
Hopefully, you won’t be at the hospital long, but you’ll want to be as comfortable as possible. Sleep will be at a minimum because even if the baby is sleeping, the nurses still have to come in to check on your partner and the baby every few hours. It can be REALLY ANNOYING, but they’re doing their job to make sure everyone is well.
Install the Car Seat
Also, by about 35 weeks, you should install the infant car seat. If you aren’t comfortable doing this on your own, you can go to your local fire station, and they will install it for you. I promise it doesn’t make you any less of a man. You want to make sure you’re confident the car seat is installed correctly.
If you don’t know this yet, you can’t take your baby home from the hospital or a birthing center until they see you have a rear-facing infant seat in your car.
Fourth Trimester
The fourth trimester is missed by many, but we need to talk about it because it is a thing. The fourth trimester of pregnancy is the part that happens after your baby is born. It’s the trimester where your partner is recovering from childbirth, possibly even a C-section, while caring for the new baby. She may be learning to breastfeed, she’s trying to “sleep when the baby sleeps”, and keep it all together.
Care for Your Partner Postpartum
Babies are the biggest blessing, but they are a lot of work. They require 24/7 supervision and care. You’re trying to learn everything about them; meanwhile, they’re trying to adjust to this big, new world.
Do everything you can to support your partner during this transition to life at home with a new baby. Make sure she always has water close by. If she’s breastfeeding, make sure she has a nursing station with everything she needs.
Offer to get up at night and change the baby’s diaper after a feeding, or if formula feeding, take turns getting up at night.
You’re also her primary support person. You are the person who needs to be watching for signs of postpartum depression. If you start to notice something feels off, talk to her about it. If you’re concerned about her well-being or even her safety, you need to reach out to her care team, who helped deliver the baby. Postpartum depression is very real, and it can be very scary.
I know this is A LOT of information. I’m a firm believer that this is the reason God gave us 40 weeks to figure everything out before bringing a baby into this world.
Your life will change, but in the best way possible. You’re about to experience a love unlike any other. Having a baby is the coolest experience ever. It doesn’t mean there won’t be bumps along the way; it just means you have someone else to make it all worthwhile.
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